You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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