One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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