I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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