There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
