spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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