About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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