So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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