i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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