I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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