Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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