I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
