Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
