I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
