WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize