Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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