what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
