what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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