HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
