it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
