You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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