I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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