YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
