I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize