Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
