Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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