please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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