Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
