I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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