dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He has the fingertips of a God
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize