Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
