So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
