Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
