he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
