i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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