Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
BRING THE BAGELS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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