Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
