he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
