So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
