I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
