The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
