Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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