Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You took a bar mat shot.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
