I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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