Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
