so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
