I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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