If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
