Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
