need another drink. this is the easiest way
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
