My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
