The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
