btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
