you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can I color on your dick again?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
