Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
