her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
