i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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