She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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