Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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