her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
