if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
