Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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