Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
