I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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