i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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