if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
