I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
