I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
