So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
