I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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