the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
