i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize