I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
