This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
