So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's shark week go big or go home
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
